Its the same pattern. Pending work, ambitious plans to finish it off, the same playlist on the iphone and this sudden urge to go see if someone commented on my age old blogs. There is so much that has happened that I wish to write about. But most are personal diary items and mostly just mundane life happenings. Oh, how I want to put them on the blog. I so want to make my life sound interesting, mysterious. I so want your attention. I so want to be discovered. I want someone random in a party to praise this blogger who posts on wigglylines and I want to act curious. I want to go be famous under a different name like Mark Twain and Agatha Christie. I want my grandkids to worship me. My husband to be amazed by me. Oh, I so want this.
I want to win just one literary prize. I want to do something that is brilliant like Catch 22 or To Kill A Mocking Bird. I sometimes fool myself into fantasies like writing something like Catcher in the Rye.And then I want to vanish gracefully into fading light. I can imagine myself walking into a tunnel of white light while people who know me look at my silhouette.
Heroine, protagonist, underdog, narrator, all of that in one. Thats me. Thank God for dreams. Thank God that they are vivid enough to lose myself in them. And if I really do something prosaically great someday, I promise to print this as the preface ;)
