Coolness et al.

It has to be something big that brings you back to write. A bigness that only you perceive. No one else will ever know, like a change that happens to your state of mind, when you get up from slumber for a specific purpose only to discover with a jolt that nothing is worth losing sleep over.

That is a cynical beginning. Till a few years ago I would have smiled to see this cynicism in me. A couple of insomniac friends would read this on the their laptop window (while listening to Metallica and the likes as they simultaneously ran simulations and statistical regressions ) and would nod their heads in unfortunate agreement that 1- it was a sad but right conclusion (and that idea of bigness that no one else will never understand was awesomely fantastic and intriguing) and 2. We were the rare and cool few who got it right- an idea of a cruel life, and what it was doing to us.

Well by this definition, of knowing about life in a rock band kind of a way, all qualified to be cool. But we thought we were rare too. The once who did not think that they thought in the rock band style thought they were cool in being different, and I guess they were right in their logic too. So in the end everyone was cool and different. Suited everyone.

So is it a sign right now, that Beatles of all bands decides to sing "Let it be" to lull me into calmness. Spiritual ( and religious spiritual) that they come and tell me to drop all this hysteria over unjust life and just let it be. And to top it all, I am not changing the song. I have wizened? Crossed the other side...no longer cool in the rock band kind of a way? But conversely, cool still?

This is not the conclusion that I thought I would reach. That I am still cool :-) I thought I would claim that I am old now. While that is true, I am glad that I can sufficiently convince (or fool) myself to feel not-so-down-in-the-dumps. I can go back to listening to Dave Matthews guilt free now.